Gratitude Journal Day #207:
Wednesday, 4/28/21

Usually, I refer to Happy Hump Day but let’s remix it to Wellness Wednesday. πŸŽ€πŸ‘πŸΎπŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£

3.) Tuesday’s collapse – Yeah Dawg, ya boi fell like a muthafugga on Tuesday. I mean that in every sense of the word, physically, spiritually, and absolutely emotionally. I called in sick to work, mid-shift because the weight of life kinda slammed me. I’m dealing with the standard, #sickAF drama and expectations of life, doing the wellness stuff for my body, helping others for my heart, sharing stories for my Gratitude Journal, jamming podcasts for my mind but I’m missing the part where I take care of my soul. At least, that’s what I think the problem is. Why TF am I grateful for a collapse, leaving work early, crying, and shit? It forces me to stop and pay attention to what I’m doing wrong. I’m not doing enough of me, for ME. I’m busy helping others on the gig, 9-5. I’m busy building the blog, promoting the brand. I’m trying to be busi-ER by sharing my story, what’s working, what’s not. That is what’s missing. On a daily basis, I’m so busy doing me that I’m not taking care of me. I reward me with drinking and carrying on with friends and family. I reward me with new pajamas and electronics to make doing me easier, faster, more efficient. I’m rushing meditations trying to push my yoga limits. That’s not good. It was not automatic yet but meditating used to be UN-timed, beach waves crashing or drums sounding and I’d make honest, concentrated efforts on healing myself or just seeing my Grandmothers. Sometimes, it worked. Sometimes, it didn’t but I TRIED. Now, I’m flying through it every day, trying to squeeze more time for OTHER stuff. I don’t watch what I want anymore because I’m fitting myself into a time slot with the kids, homies, or even the Queen. I think THAT is what I’m missing. It’s why I feel the need to drink and justify it as a celebration of hard work, achieving some goal. *deep breathe* Guuuuurl, I haven’t slept well or anything. Grateful for a collapse? Yup, that is a new one. *lights up funny, green cigarette* Cheers to the journey.

2.) Wellness Wednesday – It was my Queens’ idea to start doing Wellness Wednesday and I loved it. Problem is, I ain’t done a damn thing with it. I don’t write about it on Wednesdays. I don’t video on it, use it for motivation, nothing. I did THIS Wednesday. I called off the second day of work and made ZERO attempts to knock a little this or that for anything but MY wellness. I got up regular time, started with meditation, did some yoga and then, JAMMED an audiobook. It is a fantasy novel, BLACK author, dragons, magic, SUPER action, and a real tie to the father/son thing. This mug is an amazing read and I decided that for MY wellness, I wasn’t gonna multi-task while jamming. No blogging, taking notes, finishing a project, writing an email, nothing. Me and this book. Doing it that way allowed me to catch all the subtle drama unfolding, I wasn’t distracted, missed a part, and too busy to “rewind”. Oh man, what a listen. I’m on chapter four, bout an hour in, and I’m blown away by how it’s coming across. Twice, I’ve literally sat up straighter, cocked my head to the side, and damn near cried listening to an intense part. I’ve drunk my water, taken my vitamins, and for the third time since I started the dozen-vitamins-and-supplements lifestyle aka If you can’t GET better, BE better Lifestyle, I took my Ultra Digestive Food Enzymes pills. I skipped working on the desktop or using my phone for social media tasks and routine activities. All I’ve done on this Wellness Wednesday is take care of me, not the blog, not the brand, not the business. Even writing my Gratitude Journal at night instead of the morning was me taking care of me.

1.) Da homies in FL – I NEEDED help and someone was there to catch me. *group hug* I sent out an emergency flare for someone to talk to, vibe with, bounce ideas, and generally talk me off the ledge, cliff, highway. That is how bad I was feeling on Tuesday. It’s not a matter of what was hurting; it’s what was NOT hurting. (Already kinda explained earlier so I won’t dive back into this cesspool.) My podcast crew came to the rescue. We talked about the stress I was feeling, how overwhelmed I was, the viability of short-term disability, how relationships slow or speed the recovery and healing, we chopped for a minute. I appreciate it from the bottom of my exhausted heart.

Previous entry of Gratitude: Tuesday, 4/27/21

Next entry of Gratitude: Thursday, 4/29/21

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.



%d bloggers like this: